Thursday, November 2, 2017

slowly but surely

org ckp,
die da ada perempuan laen,
sbb tu dia tak pernah endahkan aku,
aku je laa mereput sensorg,
dok kikis mende yg melekat ni haa...

slowly but surely,
because i cant bear the pain.....


Monday, October 16, 2017

hari kedua

2nd day i had a dream about him,
standing in front of me, but i can't see his face clearly..
i just know it is him...

mimpi, mungkin sbb aku rindu kt dia..

takleh jumpa in real life, i just can see him in my dream.....


Friday, October 13, 2017

redha

thanks friends,
sabarkan aku.............
kene sabar bebyk,
biar org nak buat kite...... 
Allah tu ada

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

kronik

semlm masa paling kronik aku,
pepagi ika da throwback komen aku dia yg meenachi seko tu... 
damn, teringatttt sgt kisah lama.

buat kerja berlinang2 airmata...
damn.. felt so stupid, kenapa kene bersedih sedangkan the other party tgh bergembira meraikan kekecewaan ko... *hempuk kepala kt keyboard*

move on please, move on,
sudah2 yer.. penat da berusaha utk bersama dgn dia, bukan kejap.. 2 tahun lebih kut,
kite rehat dulu yer... jgn pertikai ketentuan Allah.. tu kene igt dan paling penting

Monday, October 2, 2017

masa berlalu

productivity hour aku paling teruk antara my teammates.

need to do something, 

biar tercicir dlm love relationship,

jangan terbuang terus dlm kerjaya, ni je yg aku ada skrg....

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

the hardest journey

one of my hardest time in my life.

instead of losing my dad, got worst performance evaluation from my manager, and losing him.

hari ni,
tangan shaking, hati pedih mendidih, i really want to shout to him that how hurt i am and how i miss him so bad.

tgn menggeletar nak pegang mouse, how to call my partner dgn suara yg shaking... yg mana ko kene keep profesional and tak terbawa2 masalah peribadi kt ofis, yg ko kene tahan all the sadness, and smile in front of your colleagues...

yg aku tak boleh nak jejak kedai2 dan tempat2 yg aku spend masa dgn dia, the first place we had meals together... sampai kedai last yg mana dia ckp dia dan mak dia taleh terima aku.....

my god, im so sad... extremely sad

Monday, September 25, 2017

finally

semalam dia kata,
anggap mak dia dan dia tak terima aku.....

pastu putus........

pastu hati aku kosong sekosongnya...........

it takes a few second, to break up..... forever...

Thursday, September 21, 2017

its over

semalam,
dia ckp dia da buat keputusan nak putuskan pertunangan kitorg..

segala sebab dia da terangkan. dan buat pertama kalinya sepanjang perhubungan kitorg, dia buat keputusan untuk batalkan segalanya.
takpalah, kitorg da berusaha sejauh ini, da mcm2 kitorg buat dan lalui, tp Allah tetap kata takde jodoh.

redha,, kene redha.. ckp mmg senang... tapi susah..
Harapan semoga aku kuat nak hadap semua ni, dkt 3 tahun dia melekat kt hati aku,
kene pakai apa eak nak cungkil balik dia keluar dr hati......

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

rambling

aku tatau bile ada prob dgn dia je,aku akan tulis kt sini..
sbb die takkan baca pasal ni, sbb kalo die  baca pon dia takkan memahami.

lets throwback, 9 sept kitorg da selamat bertunang.
then mak up pic aku.. then aku up pic kitorg bertunang..

and end up, mcm biasa bergaduh.. bergaduh like he told me that he already had gf, die menyesal bertunang dgn aku. even he didnt respect my mom as well... mlm lepas event, die bersukaria kt grup like nothing happen. reply msg pendek2... to express his anger.. die malu ke hape kene bertunang dgn aku..

last week aku mmg tatahan btoi, aku rasa nak jumpa dia n lempar balik cincin yg die kasik.. like why u need to be my fiancee kalo pasal hidup mati aku pon ko tanak tau. ko junjung ego ko melangit, ko marah aku sbb kak rose tau pasal kitorg bertunang.. why u have to do this to me???  aku balik, aku jumpa mak.. mak aku sedih.. ko tak fikir betapa aku pon sedih sama.. org2 kampung da start buat planning dgn mak aku.. they are willing to help.. tp tunang kesayangan aku still tak nak terima aku... 

Friday, May 19, 2017

sometimes

sometimes, i hope i get slightest hint that he miss me...

but...

he doesn't even remember me

Friday, May 12, 2017

sampah hati

yesterday, aku tanya dia, sama ada dia ada plan nak kawen dgn aku..
aku tatau kenapa pertanyaan series bertukar menjadi dia sgt marah.
he said yes, he has a plan.. tp aku kne turun berat sampai 75kg...

aku mcm bengang, is it about fizikal semata2.. ko nak terima aku sbb berat semata2?? apa marriage purpose ko sebenarnya.. tak boleh ke terima aku tanpa syarat.. aku tak letak apa2 syarat pon utk dia, sbb aku rasa mmg aku nak spend the rest of my life with him.. n our future generation

i feel sad, even aku berciter dgn adik beradik pon bergelen2 airmata aku tumpah... but then along ckp, he's not ready to commit. org yg tak ready ni tak bleh dipaksa2..

mlm tu, aku ckp kt dia.. pergilah, take your sweet time to decide apa yg ko nak utk masa depan ko.. aku ada je kt sini tunggu, (sampai Allah izinkan utk aku menunggu) kalo yg cantik ko idam2kan, pergi la cari yg cantik sbb aku sorg perempuan yg tak cantik, aku adalah aku seadanya. he said ok..

aku tatau kenapa aku lepaskan org yg aku takut sgt aku hilangnya.tp aku taleh pentingkan diri sendiri dgn memerangkap dia dlm impian bodoh aku ni. he deserves apa yg dia nak, n apa yg dia nak tu aku tak ada... let him go... awak pergila carik wanita impian awak.. saya doakan awak akan bahagia dgn org tu.

im extremely sedih... tak tipu sedih giler, but i need to be as strong as Sumayyah, rela lepaskan suami n anak2 dibakar org kafir. aku harapkan ujian Allah yg satu ni sebagai asbab utk aku ke syurga...

Friday, March 3, 2017

letih

can't wait utk balik kampung..
letih laa nak hadap semua ni,
tahap nyampah kt opis pon da mencanak2 naeknye...

i really need fresh air.
and need the ears to listen...
tak semua org aku nak ramble n ranting..
org bole ckp, ko kan ramai kawan..
pi citer kt sana kt sini..
but the truth is.. 
tah..............
mendgr tu satu tugas yg berat rasanya,
padahal bukan minta dibelikan iphone ke, apa ke..

bear with it,
this is what u choose.....