the hardest journey

one of my hardest time in my life.

instead of losing my dad, got worst performance evaluation from my manager, and losing him.

hari ni,

tangan shaking, hati pedih mendidih, i really want to shout to him that how hurt i am and how i miss him so bad.

tgn menggeletar nak pegang mouse, how to call my partner dgn suara yg shaking... yg mana ko kene keep profesional and tak terbawa2 masalah peribadi kt ofis, yg ko kene tahan all the sadness, and smile in front of your colleagues...

yg aku tak boleh nak jejak kedai2 dan tempat2 yg aku spend masa dgn dia, the first place we had meals together... sampai kedai last yg mana dia ckp dia dan mak dia taleh terima aku.....

my god, im so sad... extremely sad

finally

semalam dia kata,

anggap mak dia dan dia tak terima aku.....

pastu putus........

pastu hati aku kosong sekosongnya...........

it takes a few second, to break up..... forever...

its over

semalam,

dia ckp dia da buat keputusan nak putuskan pertunangan kitorg..

segala sebab dia da terangkan. dan buat pertama kalinya sepanjang perhubungan kitorg, dia buat keputusan untuk batalkan segalanya.

takpalah, kitorg da berusaha sejauh ini, da mcm2 kitorg buat dan lalui, tp Allah tetap kata takde jodoh.

redha,, kene redha.. ckp mmg senang... tapi susah..

Harapan semoga aku kuat nak hadap semua ni, dkt 3 tahun dia melekat kt hati aku,

kene pakai apa eak nak cungkil balik dia keluar dr hati......

rambling

aku tatau bile ada prob dgn dia je,aku akan tulis kt sini..

sbb die takkan baca pasal ni, sbb kalo die  baca pon dia takkan memahami.

lets throwback, 9 sept kitorg da selamat bertunang.

then mak up pic aku.. then aku up pic kitorg bertunang..

and end up, mcm biasa bergaduh.. bergaduh like he told me that he already had gf, die menyesal bertunang dgn aku. even he didnt respect my mom as well... mlm lepas event, die bersukaria kt grup like nothing happen. reply msg pendek2... to express his anger.. die malu ke hape kene bertunang dgn aku..

last week aku mmg tatahan btoi, aku rasa nak jumpa dia n lempar balik cincin yg die kasik.. like why u need to be my fiancee kalo pasal hidup mati aku pon ko tanak tau. ko junjung ego ko melangit, ko marah aku sbb kak rose tau pasal kitorg bertunang.. why u have to do this to me???  aku balik, aku jumpa mak.. mak aku sedih.. ko tak fikir betapa aku pon sedih sama.. org2 kampung da start buat planning dgn mak aku.. they are willing to help.. tp tunang kesayangan aku still tak nak terima aku...